


It's my job to keep you safe

by theflyingdalek



Category: Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
Genre: 00Q - Freeform, M/M, bond is protective, protective fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-27
Updated: 2013-02-28
Packaged: 2017-12-03 20:28:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/702326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theflyingdalek/pseuds/theflyingdalek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>All members of Q branch are required to wear bulletproof vests in the building.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Now translated into Chinese by the lovely @Summer_Haze  
> http://bondcraig.lofter.com/post/1d4f96f2_a6b9483

It was no secret that Q didn't always play by the rules. In fact, the Quartermaster frequently broke the rules by going off board to help his agents, 007, particularly. However, the world would be in shambles if there were no following of rules at all, and Q held this belief close to his heart. So in day to day business, Q liked to closely follow the rules. 

In MI6, new rules found their way about in the form of memos. They were paper memos, but M liked some things to be old fashioned, so there was nothing Q could do about that. Q made sure that everyone in his branch followed the rules stringently. Other branches, however, didn't always have the same kind of respect for the rules. The double-ohs, for example, usually left the memos piling up on their (very rarely touched) desks. But Q wouldn't stand for that sort of nonsense. Rules are rules for reasons, of course.

Today, three new memos had been placed on Q's desk, carefully arranged from important to least important, left to right (Q trained his people well). The first two memos were about budget changes. Q didn't pay too much attention to them, because they had nothing to do with Q branch. The third one though, regarded safety procedures. 

_All members of Q branch are required to wear bulletproof vests in the building._

Q frowned. That seemed a little strange, but since there had been a shooting just a couple of months ago, Q shrugged and accepted it. He would have to go dig one of the small extras out. His staff would figure their own things out; they were pretty self-sufficient. So during lunch, Q found a working prototype of a bulletproof vest, and slipped it on under his cardigan. He took a glance in the bathroom mirror. He looked a bit bulkier, but not all that bad. It seemed a bit like overkill, but it wasn't exactly a stupid idea, so Q though no more about it.


	2. Chapter 2

_All members of Q branch are required to receive Moving Target Shooting Training_

Q sighed. All members of Q branch had to take normal gun range shooting training when they first join MI6, but apparently M had decided that they needed more specific training. How irritating. Q would have to block out an hour or so in the evening to go down to the shooting range to fulfill the new requirement.

After work, Q called the people at the shooting range to make sure that someone who could train him was down there. They assured him that someone was there, so Q packed up and walked down alone. Most of the underlings had gone home already, so Q assumed that they had done their training during lunch.

The range was mostly empty, but Tim, an older trainer was waiting for him.

"Hello, Q," Tim greeted, "You mentioned over the phone that you wanted to get some Moving Target training?"

"Yes please. New rules for Q Branch, and all," Q replied.

Tim looked like he was about to say something when someone shot four rounds into a target in the range. Q jumped in surprise and spun around. It was James Bond.

"Whoops, sorry there. Didn't see that you two weren't wearing ear muffs," Bond apologized with a shrug and a smirk.

Q glared at the double-oh agent.

"Are you getting Moving Target training?" Bond asked innocently.

"Yes, and I would very much prefer if you went away now," Q replied.

"Why? The fun hasn't started yet," Bond said with a wink. "You can go home early, Tim, I'll help Q out with his training. I know you don't want to miss the game tonight."

Tim's eyes lit up.

"Are you sure, Bond?" he asked, "Is that alright with you, Q?"

Q rolled his eyes, but who was he to rain on Tim's parade?

"Yes, it's alright, Tim. Have a nice night."  
"You too!" Tim chirped back.

"Oh, we will," Bond replied.

"I hate you," Q snapped.

"Oh, Q. Why must you always be so hostile? Here I am, attempting to teach you how to shoot at a moving target, and all you have are wounding words."

"Shut up and teach me how to shoot."


	3. Chapter 3

_All members of Q Branch must wear safety helmets when experiments involving explosive materials are being performed._

Q sighed. Experiments involving explosive materials were _always_ under way in Q Branch. He would have to find a comfortable helmet.


	4. Chapter 4

Q wasn't stupid. He was simply busy, so it took him a few weeks and a dozen safety wardrobe changes to realize that something was up.

_All members of Q branch must cover all sharp table and drawer edges with foam._

"What the hell?", Q muttered to himself.

He picked up his phone and called Moneypenny.

"Hey, what's up?" she greeted.

"I've been getting weird safety memos for the past couple months. Do you know anything about that?"

Q could hear the click-clacking of computer keys in the background.

"Sorry, love. We haven't been sending any safety memos to Q Branch", she replied, "What do you mean by weird?"

"Just... weird. Who on earth would make _fake_ safety memos?"

Eve laughed.

"I don't know, but James Bond has been strangely quiet in the past couple months...."

Q hung up before storming out of his office. He rushed past his employees, before stopping at the door and rushing back.

"Wait a minute, why aren't you all wearing helmets?!" Q shouted at his underlings.

"What?"

"Why aren't you wearing helmets, and parkas, and bulletproof vests?" Q asked slowly.

"Why would we be wearing helmets, parkas, and bulletproof vests?," someone asked.

"The memos! There have been memos for Q branch. Safety ones!" Q exclaimed.

"You're the _only_ one who's been getting these memos..."

Q paused his angry yelling to angrily stare at his colleagues.

"If I've been the only person getting these memos, why hasn't anyone mentioned anything about the odd things I've been doing recently?"

"I just thought you were being weird," one underling piped up.

"I thought you'd finally gone mad."

"I'm more scared of James Bond than of you," another chipped in.

Q took several deep, steadying breaths. 

"I hate you all, but you know who I hate even more?" he asked.

"Bond?" someone offered.

"Yes. I'm going to go kill him now," Q gritted out. He would have looked a bit scarier, but with the whole helmet, gloves, parka, and boots, he just looked like an overgrown child about to throw a tantrum.


	5. Chapter 5

Q had gotten rid of the helmet and the parka, but the bulletproof vest was under many layers, and he hadn't brought spare shoes, so he remained in the rubber boots. He marched around MI6 angrily looking for Bond, until he decided to just check his "Bond Tracker" and found that Bond was in his office. Q had to stomp all the way back to Q branch and past hi s giggling employees.

Q slammed the door behind him.

"What the hell, Bond?!?!"

"Hello, Q," Bond greeted with a smirk.

"What. The. Hell." Q growled.

"Whatever do you mean?" Bond answered innocently.

"Oh take that stupid innocent look off your face, you bloody well know what I mean!"

"Q, you're going to have to explain to me why you're shouting."

"You've been writing these ridiculous stupid bloody safety memos, haven't you?!"

Q glared at the double oh agent sitting in his chair, very close to walking over and hitting the man across the face, but he wasn't angry enough to get his arm accidentally wrenched off from a double-oh's instinct.

"And so what if I have?" Bond asked.

The agent stood up and walked towards Q, neatly pinning him against the wall.

"If I don't keep you safe, who else will?"

"You have some _major_ issues, you know that right?" Q growled back.

"Shut up and kiss me," Bond laughed.

So Q did.


End file.
